Today

August 1, 2012

This day scares me. I don’t have a plan. I’m not even really sure where to begin or what to do beyond calling the plumber to fix our broken dishwasher (it’s not draining properly). I know it’ll be okay, I’ll figure something out, but mostly, I feel anxious, panicky about how to proceed.

I finished school in mid-May, we packed up our apartment in New York, and we went away for a couple of weeks. Then we moved to San Francisco in early June, and since then we’ve been setting up, settling in, exploring. I’ve been writing (see previous post in which I let you in on the secret that I’m still learning Napa Valley, while claiming to be an expert), Scott was studying for the bar, our days had a rhythm. We had visitors, and a couple of unexpected trips back east, and now, with the coming of August, it’s time to switch gears. I have to get serious. I have to find myself a job.

I’m ready to get myself a job in a kitchen, to really learn how to cook, to see if I like it as much as I think I will (have I talked about that here? Explained why I’m looking for cooking jobs? I know it’s not a natural segue from international relations school, but I promise, it makes sense, kind of). I’ve explored every culinary school in the area, and I think I know where I would fit in, but first I want to get into a kitchen. But the question is, how? That’s where I am today, a little scared, a little unsure of where to really start, hoping that I won’t let the day go by without making some kind of progress. It’s so easy to spend the morning reading the newspaper, go for a run, and make up an errand or two. This is what I do not want to happen. I feel like by telling you what I’m scared of, I can maybe let go of the fear and move forward. It’s possible that it’ll work. I can’t expect everything to happen at once, right?

And if anyone knows anyone in the restaurant world in San Francisco, let me know!

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